Matty Lee: Digging for More Gold

Diving headfirst into his battle with post-Olympic depression and his sense of identity

Olympic champion Matty Lee may have achieved the epitome of success as an elite athlete, but his journey has been nothing short of an uphill battle.

Born and raised in Leeds, Matty recalls his excessive amount of energy being a nightmare for his parents. He would look up to his older brother as he dove off the 3m boards and longed to join him on the platform.

When he was finally allowed to follow in his brothers’ footsteps and start diving, Matty remembers being “quite bad” at it. He was petrified of learning new dives and remembers mustering a false sense of confidence while approaching the end of the board, only to stand there for what must’ve felt like years, without any intention of jumping off.

“I remember when I first learnt inward 2 and a half, and the pure fear I felt in my body. I had never experienced anything like that before. But when I finally took that leap of faith and jumped off, I felt like I could conquer any dive.”

From that point onwards, Matty was determined to push through anything and everything, and that singular leap of faith caused him to catapult into his diving career.

He was scouted to join the British junior diving team and began travelling around the world, diving into different pools, meeting new people and was exposed to new cultures and countries at a very young age.

He gradually saw more progress in his diving and competition results and remembers being chosen as a wild card for the World Series in London with his then synchro partner, Daniel Goodfellow.

“I was so grateful for the opportunity, but I felt a little out of place”, he says. “I remember being immersed in the experience and being called cute by some divers that I had looked up to my whole junior career and in that moment, I thought: ‘This is where I want to be. This is where I belong’”.

As more opportunities came around, Matty gained invaluable international experience that he carries even to this day.

“Being surrounded by the greatest divers of our generation put things into perspective. They inspired me to want to do better, to push for more, but I just didn’t think that what they have achieved was going to be possible for me.”

As a young diver, Matty dreamt of becoming an Olympian. “When teachers or people would ask me: “Are you going for the gold?”, I would say “yes, of course”, but in my heart I didn’t think it would really happen to me.”

When the opportunity arose for him to move to London and start doing synchro with Tom Daley, however, Matty’s dream of winning an Olympic medal became promising.

He had to readjust to life in London, adding: “I am very grateful for the support I was given. It was very difficult for me, and at first, I hated London. I felt alone in such a big city, but looking back now, it was the best decision I have ever made.”

Matty and Tom trained relentlessly with their coach Jane Figueiredo and saw some promising results. The year of the Tokyo Olympic Games, Matty and Tom won the World Cup in Tokyo, Japan, and the European Championship in Budapest, Hungary.

With hopes they would recreate this streak of success at the Olympics, Matty and Tom were banned from saying the word ‘gold’.

They arrived in the Olympic village focused, ready and determined. And on competition day, they delivered exactly what they had worked for.

“I remember seeing the Chinese had arrived second, which meant that we had won, and I felt a montage of memories flooding through me. I picked Tom up and he felt so light. The adrenaline was running through my body, and I dropped to my knees. ‘It’s happened’, I thought, ‘I’m an Olympic Champion’. All the hard times, the blood, sweat and tears that I had put into this sport actually meant something.

But the euphoria of the moment lasted only 10 seconds, and then I felt normal again.”

He recalls wanting more from that moment, saying: “I felt deflated afterwards. I thought it would’ve been a little different, and I wanted it to last longer. I had given my whole life for this moment, and it lived up to my expectations for 10 seconds, then it was over.”

Despite feeling deflated, Matty rode the wave of the Olympic gold medal and took every opportunity that was given to him… after all, he was stepping into his celebrity status.

After being on ‘I’m a Celeb’ and returning to normality, Matty said that normality didn’t satisfy him anymore.

“My benchmark for everything now is that Olympic gold medal. Nothing, even now, feels remotely close to that feeling of ecstasy.”

Post-Olympic depression is a very real and unfortunate side effect of Olympic success. Athletes are taught how to prepare, hopefully avoid and victoriously battle this inevitable downfall. While every athlete is aware of it, none think it will be a reality for them. Matty included.

“You can never prepare for it. It just has a way of springing on you. It’s almost like, as athletes, we train for a gold medal and then train how to deal with the depression that follows. I just didn’t think it would happen to me.”

Following his fame and success, Matty felt embarrassed by anything he did that didn’t live up to that golden standard. He began to struggle with his identity outside of being “Tom Daley’s synchro partner” and doubts began to creep in.

‘Do I even deserve to be here? Do I really deserve this opportunity that they’ve given me?’

“When I’m not next to Tom, I’m no one. I wanted to make a name for myself, and I found it tough and quite demoralising because they only ever focused on Tom. We both had the gold medals around our necks. I remember saying to photographers that were shouting Tom’s name: ‘I’m here too you know. We did this together.’”

In 2022, Matty struggled to replicate the success of 2021, and he constantly felt like he was chasing the high of the Olympic gold medal. What once was his dream, slowly became his nightmare.

A highlight of his 2022 season, however, was the Birmingham Commonwealth Games where he returned home with 2 medals.

“I had so much fun at commies. The team were really close, we had a great time together and the crowd were incredible. I also treasure it because my family were there supporting me, and it was the last competition my dad watched.”

He had previously struggled with Commonwealth Games in the past, saying that his performance was plagued by injuries and that he had finally competed at one without an injury. After a tough year of returning to competitions, those 2 medals meant a lot to him.

In October of 2022, Matty’s family were devasted through the sudden loss of his father Tim Lee. His dad was a huge part of the diving community. He volunteered as the Leeds Diving club photographer even when Matty moved away to London and will always be remembered for the joy he brought to everyone he encountered.

“The day my dad passed away; I felt something inside of me break. My heart is broken, and I miss my dad so much.”

He tried to escape his heartbreak by returning to training to get a sense of normality back, but “looking back now”, he says, “I came back too early. I should’ve taken more time to grieve and properly rest from the pain I was going through, but diving is the only thing I knew how to do. I felt like I was missing out on pre-season which, looking back, is the most stupid thing I could’ve thought, but that’s the life I was living. I wanted to just escape my reality.”

Losing his dad put things into perspective. He now holds his family closer than before and jokingly added that he maybe holds them too close, worrying a bit more than he thinks he should, but caring incredibly so about his family and loved ones.

As the months progressed, he began to struggle more with diving, injury and identity. The shape he was in wasn’t that of an Olympic Champion, and he would feel embarrassed and shameful of who he was becoming.

He fought through his setbacks hard and pushed through pain and injury through injections and rehab, and he saw a glimmer of hope… until things started to get worse and an operation on his back became the only solution.

Athletes fight hard to overcome obstacles like injuries and push through pain in training just so they won’t stop doing the sport they love. For Matty, his body just couldn’t take it anymore. Dealing with the emotional rollercoaster of post-Olympic depression, the heartbreak of losing his father and carrying so much shame and embarrassment, for simply healing, took a toll on his physical well-being.

The reality of success is that it is fickle. While, yes, you may be celebrated for a moment, there will be someone or something fresh that comes after you. You are talked about for some weeks, maybe months if you’re lucky, but once a new story comes around, you’re old news. Yesterday’s story. Used, and tossed aside.

Matty was forced to take a step back and let his Paris Olympic dreams slip between his fingers. For Matty, the 2024 Paris Olympic Games were painful to watch.

“I am so proud of my teammates for what they did out in Paris. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed that I wasn’t there with them. I miss my team and the community that diving gave me.

I feel forgotten about, tossed aside. I couldn’t help but feel helpless watching them, like I should’ve been there, but I had failed them.”

Matty shares the many sentiments of athletes that have given their all to their sport. That have sacrificed time, family commitments, normal living, all for the sake of the sport they so love.

To Matty, not diving has almost been like having withdrawals. The very thing that he was, he can no longer be. He is now faced with a greater question:

Who am I?

“Sport doesn’t last forever. It lasts for a short amount of time, and then you are left with the rest of your life. Not diving has really put things into perspective for me.”

Fresh out of his diving fantasy world, Matty has had to relearn how to breathe, walk and live in the “real world”. He has spoken to me about his struggles to find a career and his pursuit to finding a passion that will create a meaningful impact in this world.

“I was talking to a couple friends the other day about the fact that I have never worked a day in my life, and they reminded me that I have. I’ve been working since the age of 12. Maybe not your typical 9-to-5 job, but it has been work nonetheless. I’ve been diving since the age of 8. It is all I’ve ever known.”

This is the reality of elite sports. We are working children, teenagers, and adults. For many athletes, doing their sport pays their bills, their food shop and rent. But the very thing they used to love as children, can quickly become a virus of crippling anxiety, low self-esteem and hatred.

Matty shares that he constantly compares himself to others, asking himself if he is intelligent enough for work, if he was ever even good at diving and if the career he wants to go in might be attainable for him.

“I always struggled at school. The way they taught didn’t suit my learning style and I just couldn’t concentrate. So that’s why I focused on diving. It was the only thing I was good at. I could focus on my dives. It was my safe space.”

Though Matty praises those who have a university education, he says he just doesn’t feel called to go there.

“If I change my mind, university will always be there. But where I am today, it just isn’t in the cards for me. I don’t think university is for everyone and that is totally ok. Everyone is on their own path, and we need to focus on our own journey’s rather than focus on what other people are doing.”

I then asked Matty – “What is one thing you would say to younger Matty Lee? Knowing all that you know now, what would you tell him?”

To which he responded: “Slow down and appreciate where you are right now.”

He regrets not taking the time to absorb his Olympic experience in Tokyo, and though covid did rob many athletes of a normal Olympic experience, he still wishes he had slowed down a little and looked at what was around him more often.

Athletes, and non-athletes, alike take life for granted. We are always in a rush for “the next big thing” and forget about the journey it has taken to get to where you are right now.

Take a moment to appreciate how far you’ve come. Stop for a second and be grateful for the breath in your lungs and your ability to perform daily chores.

“As divers, we travel at such high speeds. We don’t need to carry that into our everyday life. We need to appreciate the journey we are on.”

Diving gave Matty purpose and a drive to succeed. Though perhaps he won’t transfer all his skills into his future career, (I’m not sure doing a backflip in the middle of a meeting is appropriate working behaviour), he does use the regiment and routine that elite sport has taught him in his daily life.

“I am struggling to find purpose outside of being a diver. I have to start from scratch. This is a fresh start for me now that I am retired, and I am relearning how to be a person outside of my identity as a diver.

The gold medal is, now, less about my achievements, and more about how grateful I am that my dad, mum and family saw my dreams come to fruition. It means more to me now than it did back in 2021.”

Matty serves as a reminder of the brutality of sports at such a high level. The sporting “idols” that you look up to are also human beings. They are not superheroes or super-human. They are not more valuable than you because they have gone to an Olympic Games or have more medals. We each hold value as human beings, and not one person is better or worth more than another.

Matty and I reminisced on the first time we met, and how even I, a 13-year-old, skinny, scrawny kid, was in awe of the fact that a “famous diver” had engaged in a conversation with me.

“I want to inspire and help the younger generation. I love talking to them and being a personable person. I don’t want to be worshipped, and I want younger people and divers to understand that no one is perfect. Even I, as an Olympic champion, fall short, and that’s ok.”

Matty speaks about Qiu Bo, an exceptional diver who, in the eyes of everyone in the diving community, is the greatest diver of all time… but he’s never won the Olympic gold medal.

“It just comes to show that medals aren’t everything. Qiu Bo is the G.O.A.T, and he has got every gold, par the Olympic gold medal.

Life is more than just how many medals you get, or what colour medal you’ve got. What is important is your character, who you are, your integrity and how you treat people. There is more value in your character, humility and kindness towards others than there is about how many medals you arrogantly parade around.

Don’t be prideful or arrogant about what you’ve achieved. Don’t think you’re better than someone else because of some medals. Be kind, thoughtful and personable.”

In a world where everyone wants to be the next Tom Daley, be the first you. Now that’s a groundbreaking achievement.